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I feel so conflicted. I thought I didn’t want you but now you’re all I can think about. Somehow, now that we aren’t together I can picture us getting married clearer than I could when we were together. Part of me always aches. I wish I was strong enough to swallow my pride. Would you be there for me? Would it be everything it should be? Is it worth taking the chance? What is it that draws me to you? Are we meant to be? I have so many questions but I don’t know who to ask. I heard a song today and it said “if you love me don’t let go” and I can’t help but ask myself why did I let go? Is there anyway I can take it back
I miss you so much.
Honestly I don’t even feel like my self anymore.
Sometimes I see pictures of us and I think:
How was I so sad? Why did I come to the conclusion I that I was unhappy? What didn’t I see in you.
There are moments that I’m with him and I find myself thinking:
You would have opened the door for me. You would have laughed at that joke. You would have known that song.
There are so many small things I’m realizing now that I took for granted like:
Watching you play guitar and jamming out like you’re a rockstar on stage. Knowing almost every single fact about Star Wars. Being able to be 100% me and knowing that you thought I was still so beautiful
I miss all of these things but most of all I miss you.
I miss your voice
Your laugh
Your taste in music
Your sense of humor
Your love language
Your skin
The way you look when you’re asleep
How much you care.
I don’t know how I’m living with out you.
He asked me “what is it about him that you like so much” I turned to him with no expression on my face and said “that he isn’t you”
I would take a bullet for you but I’m not gonna spend my whole life chasing bullets for you.
I listen to songs that make me think of you just to hold on to that little bit of happiness we had. I miss spending the summer days laying in your bed with you playing sound garden as loud as we could. I miss watching you play guitar and singing along with you. I miss us when we were happy
How did I fall for you. I know it can’t work but every part of me is screaming to find a way. It’s not that you’re out my league or I’m out of yours, honestly I think we would be perfect for each other but how is it going to work with the distance. I want it to. I’m not sure you will
It hit me all at once. At first I thought he was cute, then I was over it. Then our if no where we immediately hit it off. It’s strange how that works.
It’s almost comforting to finally take that initiative. I have no idea where it will take me or us but I’m glad that I did it.
It’s been a weird few days. I’m not sure how to feel. It was nice to see him again after so long. My heart still skipped every time he looked at me. I don’t know how to feel and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. But I think as of right now I like the uncertainty
It’s been a year since we’ve talked. A year since you threw me out like trash. I want you to know there isn’t a day you don’t cross my mind. There isn’t a day I don’t think about what would be different if I could still be there to help you. I’m worried you’re not doing well.